Handling conflict between staff: a step-by-step mediation, and when it becomes harassment

Put eight people in a hot, cramped space at the busiest hours of the day, and some of them will clash. The opener thinks the closer leaves a mess. Two baristas can't agree on how to set up the bar. A cook snaps at a server during a rush, and the server stops talking to the kitchen.

Most of these are normal friction between people under pressure, and most can be sorted out with one good conversation. A few aren't friction at all: they're harassment, and they need a different process. The most important skill for a new owner is telling the two apart, early.

This is the sixth post in our series on leading your first team. It builds on monthly check-ins, which are often where a conflict first comes up.

This is general information, not legal advice. Updated October 5, 2026: the EEOC pages cited below were re-checked.

First: is it a conflict, or a complaint?

Before you mediate anything, ask one question: is this about how two people work together, or is someone being treated badly because of who they are?

A conflict is about the work or about personalities: station setup, who does the dishes, tone during a rush, a swap that fell through. Two people with a conflict both have a side, and a conversation can help them meet in the middle.

A complaint of harassment is different. The EEOC describes harassment as "unwelcome conduct that is based on race, color, religion, sex (including sexual orientation, transgender status, or pregnancy), national origin, older age (beginning at age 40), disability, or genetic information (including family medical history)" (EEOC, harassment). It lists examples of offensive conduct: "offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance."

Don't mediate harassment. Sitting someone down with the person harassing them to "work it out" puts the burden on the person being harmed. Use your complaint process instead (below).

Also take it out of mediation if there's violence, a threat, or anything to do with safety. That person goes home for the day while you look into it, and if there's a threat of violence, call the police.

Step 1: Calm it down on the shift

If it flares up during service:

• Separate them for now. Move one to another station, or send one on their break early.
• Don't decide anything in the moment. "We'll talk about this after the rush" is enough.
• Keep it off the floor. No arguments in front of guests or the rest of the team.
• Write two lines after the shift: what happened, who saw it. Facts, no opinions yet.

Step 2: Talk to each person separately

Within a day or two, talk to each of them alone, for 10 to 15 minutes, on paid time. Ask open questions and mostly listen:

• "Tell me what happened, from your side."
• "How long has this been going on?"
• "What would need to change for this to work for you?"
• "Is there anything else I should know?"

Listen for anything that sounds like harassment or discrimination ("he only talks to me like that," a comment about someone's accent, religion or body). If you hear it, stop treating it as a conflict and move to the complaint process.

Don't take sides, and don't promise an outcome. Do tell each of them that you'll talk to the other person too, and that you'll bring them together if it makes sense.

Step 3: Bring them together

If it's a genuine conflict and both are willing, hold a joint conversation, somewhere private, with 30 minutes blocked out. You're the mediator, not the judge.

Set the ground rules first:

• One person speaks at a time.
• Talk about what happened and how it affected you, not about the other person's character.
• The aim is to agree on what happens next, not to decide who was right.

Then run it in five parts:

Many conflicts turn out to be about something specific and fixable: an unclear handoff, a task nobody owns, a station set up two ways. Often the real fix is a clearer standard; our opening and closing checklists guide covers how to write one.

Step 4: Write it down and follow up

After the meeting, write a short summary and give each of them a copy:

• The date, who was there
• The problem, in neutral words
• What each person agreed to do, and anything you agreed to do
• The date of the follow-up

Then follow up, as agreed, a week or two later. Ask each of them separately whether things have changed. If they have, say so and close it. If they haven't, the next step is ordinary performance management: a clear expectation, a written warning, and consequences, applied to whoever isn't keeping to the agreement.

What to document

For every conflict, keep a short record in one private place:

• What happened, when, and who saw it
• Who you spoke to and when
• What was agreed
• Follow-ups and outcomes

Stick to facts. "Raised her voice at the pass during Saturday brunch, twice" is useful. "Has a temper" isn't. If it ever leads to discipline or a claim of unfair treatment, this record shows you handled it consistently.

When it's harassment: the complaint process

If what you're hearing is harassment, or might be, the EEOC's guidance for employers is clear about what prevention looks like: "establishing an effective complaint or grievance process, providing anti-harassment training to their managers and employees, and taking immediate and appropriate action when an employee complains" (EEOC, harassment).

In practice, for a small team:

1. Have a written policy before you need it. What harassment is, at least two people an employee can report to (so nobody has to report to the person they're reporting), that you'll look into every report, and that nobody is punished for reporting. Our employee handbook outline has a section for it.
2. Take the report seriously, the same day. Write down what you're told, in their words.
3. Investigate promptly. Talk to the person who reported, the person accused and any witnesses, separately. Keep it as confidential as you can.
4. Act. Based on what you find: a warning, training, changed shifts for the person accused, or letting them go. Tell the person who reported that you acted, even if you can't share every detail.
5. Check back that it has stopped.

If you're not sure what you're looking at, talk to an employment lawyer before you act.

Why it matters: when the employer is liable

The EEOC explains that "Harassment becomes unlawful where 1) enduring the offensive conduct becomes a condition of continued employment, or 2) the conduct is severe or pervasive enough to create a work environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile, or abusive." It also notes that "Petty slights, annoyances, and isolated incidents (unless extremely serious) will not rise to the level of illegality."

What you know matters. For harassment by coworkers, or even by customers, "The employer will be liable for harassment by non-supervisory employees or non-employees over whom it has control (e.g., independent contractors or customers on the premises), if it knew, or should have known about the harassment and failed to take prompt and appropriate corrective action." Harassment by a supervisor carries even more risk: "The employer is automatically liable for harassment by a supervisor that results in a negative employment action such as termination, failure to promote or hire, and loss of wages."

Don't punish the person who reported

The EEOC lists, among the things it's unlawful to retaliate against, "communicating with a supervisor or manager about employment discrimination, including harassment" and "answering questions during an employer investigation of alleged harassment" (EEOC, retaliation). Its examples of what can be retaliation include acting to "make the person's work more difficult (for example, punishing an employee for an EEO complaint by purposefully changing his work schedule to conflict with family responsibilities)." In a restaurant, the easy "fix" of moving the person who complained to worse shifts is exactly that. If someone's schedule has to change, change the accused person's.

Which laws cover you

Federal anti-discrimination law under Title VII covers a business that "has 15 or more employees for at least twenty calendar weeks (in this year or last)" (EEOC, coverage). A smaller restaurant isn't off the hook: the same page notes that "if an employer is not covered by the laws we enforce, the employer still may be covered by a state or local anti-discrimination law." Many state laws reach much smaller employers. Treat every report seriously, whatever your size.

Where Mays fits

• The policy where everyone can read it. Put your harassment policy and code of conduct in a Knowledge Base folder and use Share… to share it with the whole company (Everyone in org, admins only) or a location, with Can view. Mays doesn't collect an "I've read this" sign-off on an article, so keep a signed copy of the handbook acknowledgment.
• A short operational note. The manager Logbook has Staff and Incidents categories and a Needs follow-up flag, which suits a line like "separated Sam and Jo after an argument at the pass, follow-up Thursday" for the next manager. Keep the details out of it: every manager and admin at the location can read it and gets a notification when it's posted, and an entry isn't linked to a person.
• Messages as evidence. In team chat, people can delete only their own messages, with no time limit; managers can't delete other people's. If someone reports an offensive message, take a screenshot straight away. A group's admins can remove people from it, and managers and admins can delete a group.
• Changing shifts without punishing anyone. If you need to keep two people apart, edit the schedule and choose Notify only affected people when you publish, so only the people whose shifts changed hear about it.

Mays has no anonymous reporting or case file, so keep complaint and investigation records in your own private files, outside any shared tool.

Your conflict checklist

• First question: a conflict about work, or a complaint about who someone is?
• Separate on the shift, decide nothing in the moment
• Separate conversations, then a joint one if it's a real conflict and both agree
• A written agreement with specific actions and a follow-up date
• Facts-only records kept in one private place
• A written harassment policy with two people to report to
• Every report acted on promptly, and nobody punished for making one

Keep the team working together with Mays

Put your policies where everyone can read them, and keep the shift-to-shift record your managers need.

Start your free trial: 30 days, every module, no card needed. Last in this series: letting someone go, done right.