Managing former coworkers as a new restaurant manager

This is part 6 of 7 in our series Your first year as a restaurant manager. Earlier: your first 30 days, running a pre-shift meeting, feedback on the floor, covering call-outs and the numbers you own.

Last Friday you were splitting the tip jar and complaining about the closing checklist with the rest of the crew. On Monday you're the one who writes the schedule and enforces the checklist. Nothing about the people changed. Everything about your relationship with them did.

Being promoted from inside has real advantages: you know the stations, the regulars and the team. But it also brings a set of problems that someone hired from outside doesn't have. This post covers them, and what to do when two people on your team stop getting along.

Talk to each person, one by one

In your first week, have a short, private conversation with each former peer. It can be part of the one-on-ones from your first 30 days. Say three things plainly:

"This is different, and I know it's a bit strange." Pretending nothing has changed makes it stranger.
"Here's what stays the same." You still respect them, you still know how hard the job is, and you haven't forgotten what it's like on the line.
"Here's what changes." You'll make calls they won't always like, about the schedule, sections and sometimes performance, and you'll make them the same way for everyone.

Then ask: "What do you need from me as a manager?" Listen to the answer. Some people want more training, some want to be left alone, some want more hours. All of it is useful.

The coworker who wanted the job

If someone else wanted the promotion, talk to them first, before the rest of the team, and in private. Don't apologize for getting the job, and don't pretend you don't know they wanted it.

Acknowledge it. "I know you wanted this role. I'd like to work out how we can make this work for both of us."
Ask what they want next. A lead role on a station, training others, more hours, a path to the next opening.
Give them something real. Ownership of the bar setup or new-hire training, for example, with the authority to go with it. Not a title with no responsibilities.
Ask for their help. They probably know things you don't. "You've run more Saturday closes than I have. What would you change?"

Some people stay frustrated anyway. That's allowed, as long as the work gets done. If it turns into undermining (contradicting you in front of the team, telling people to ignore a change), that's a private conversation about behavior, handled like any other. Part 3 of this series, feedback on the floor, covers how.

Friendships, the group chat and after-work drinks

You don't have to give up your friends at work. But some things have to change:

Information. You'll now know other people's pay, discipline, availability and personal situations. None of it goes to your friends, however close.
Venting. No more complaining about the owner, the schedule or a coworker to the team. If you need to vent, do it with another manager or someone outside work.
The group chat. If there's a crew group chat where people complain about management, either leave it or stay and keep your own messages strictly professional. Anything you write there now reads as a manager's word.
After work. Going out with the team now and then is fine. Going out with the same two people every week, then scheduling them on the best shifts, will look like favoritism even when it isn't.

The first time you enforce a rule on a friend

Sooner or later, a friend is late, skips a closing task, or takes a longer break than everyone else. This moment matters more than any speech, because the whole team is watching what you do.

Handle it exactly as you would with anyone: privately, the same day, with the facts. "You clocked in at 7:20 today and 7:15 on Tuesday. I need you here at 7." If you'd log it for someone else, log it for them too.

The opposite mistake is just as common: being harder on friends to prove you're not playing favorites. That's unfair too. The standard is the same for everyone, no stricter and no looser.

Make fairness visible. The schedule is where people look for favoritism first. Our post on fair scheduling for a small team (coming Nov 8) has a rotation for closes and weekends that you can show anyone who asks.

When you're tested

Expect some testing in the first month: a "you used to do it too" when you enforce the phone rule, a joke at your expense during the huddle, a task done slowly to see if you'll notice.

Don't take it personally, and don't respond in public. Finish the moment, then talk alone.
Agree with what's true. "You're right, I did. I was wrong then too, and I need it to stop now, for everyone."
Restate the expectation once, clearly, and follow through the same way next time.
Notice the good. The people who are testing you often turn into your strongest supporters once they see you're consistent.

When two people on your team are in conflict

Conflict between staff is a normal part of a restaurant: tight spaces, long shifts and a rush. As a new manager who knows everyone, you'll hear about it first, and probably from both sides. Our step-by-step guide to handling conflict between staff (coming Nov 9) covers calming it down, separate conversations, a joint mediation and written follow-up. For a manager promoted from inside, add these:

Don't take sides because of history. If one of them is your friend, say so to the owner, and consider asking them to sit in on the conversations.
Talk about the work, not the personalities. "The tickets for table six sat for five minutes because you two weren't talking" can be fixed. "You two don't like each other" can't.
Separate first, then sort it out. On the shift, put them on different stations and talk later. Don't mediate during the rush.
Decide whether it's a conflict at all. If someone describes jokes, comments or treatment tied to sex, race, religion, national origin, age, disability or another protected characteristic, or anything physical, it's not a personality clash. It's a complaint. Write down what they told you and tell the owner the same day. Part 7 of this series covers why your knowing matters.
Don't punish the person who raised it. The EEOC's examples of what can be retaliation include acting to "make the person's work more difficult" (EEOC, retaliation). Moving the person who complained to worse shifts, or cutting their hours, can be exactly that, even if it feels like keeping the peace.

Where Mays fits

The right access for the new role. Your access in Mays comes from your role, not your title. A Manager builds and publishes the schedule and approves requests at their own locations; an admin can also build a custom role with just the permissions you need. See Roles and permissions.
Schedule changes without broadcasting them. When you publish a schedule change, Notify only affected people tells only the people whose shifts changed. That's useful when you move someone to keep two people apart. See Publishing the schedule.
Group chats. Group admins can add and remove members, and people can delete only their own messages; managers can't delete someone else's. If someone reports an offensive message, take a screenshot straight away. See Group chats.
A note for the next manager. A short line in the Logbook under Staff, like "kept A and B on separate stations, follow-up Thursday," keeps the next shift informed. Keep the details out: the location's other managers and admins get a notification when it's posted, and all of them can read it. See The manager logbook.

Mays has no private way for staff to report a concern, so keep complaint records in your own private files and pass them to the owner.

Your former-peers checklist

A private conversation with each former peer in week one
The coworker who wanted the job, first, with something real to own
Pay, discipline and personal information kept to yourself
No venting to the team, and a professional voice in the group chat
The first rule enforced on a friend, exactly as on anyone else
A schedule rotation you can show anyone
Testing handled in private, with one clear expectation
Conflicts separated on the shift, then handled with the steps in the conflict guide
Anything that sounds like harassment treated as a complaint, and taken to the owner the same day

Lead the team you came from

Set the right access, publish changes quietly, and keep the next shift in the loop.

Start your free trial: 30 days, every module, no card needed. Or book a walkthrough and we'll set up roles for your new lead team.